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House of Gastonbrux
The House of Gastonbrux is a notable French family whose lineage can be traced all the way back to the mid 1100s. They are most known for carrying the infamous title of Duke of Spooks for over 300 years, a title given to them by Charles VI of France which carried no significance. They remained in poverty for the majority of their existence until in 1832, Gumfung II happened upon oil and created Gastonbrux Oil Co., making the family one of the richest families in all of Europe. History Origins The earliest records of the House of Gastonbrux date to 1164, when Jumbledunk Gastonbrux bought a single square foot of property with his life savings. By the late 1200s, this square foot had grown to almost a full square yard, but in 1359, the family lost it all in a fire and were forced to sell it. Desperate, they moved to Paris where things got even worse for them. By 1397, all the family owned was a thimble. Duke of Spooks By 1412, Bumfungler Gastonbrux had managed to get a job as a butcher. One day as he stood on the street with a recently deceased pig, King Charles VI happened to pass by and randomly bequeathed his family with what Charles VI claimed was "the most honorable of all titles in all of France, befitting a man with a chin like a dragon, as yourself good sir, that of the title of which I give unto you and your whole family, hereby, forevermore, to you as to be as known can be, Sir, the Spook of Duke.....Dukes....Duke of Spookly...Spooks. Duke of Spooks, yes. So I have said, so written it shall be, yes. Now, onions." Greatly honored to have been bestowed this title upon him by the king, Bumfungler took out a huge loan to buy land with under the mistaken belief that taxes would be paid to him and he would be able to repay the debts in a short amount of time. It soon became clear that his newly acquired title meant absolutely nothing whatsoever and whenever he brought it up to any of the nobility, he was mocked relentlessly. He resolved to take this up with the king himself, but when he did Charles VI did not recognize him and mistook him for a witch, killing him on the spot. Dirt Gastonbrux, Bumfungler's son, decided to take on the title in a defiant belief that he could make the nobility respect his family. He was extremely wrong. Saddled with massive debts from his father, he struggled to gain even the slightest amount of money, frequently requesting aid from the nobility. The nobility, however, ridiculed him and mocked him relentlessly, constantly pulling horrible pranks on him and his family. It was one such prank that led to the death of Dirt in 1441, when they jokingly tossed him in a barrel, set the barrel on fire, and kicked the flaming barrel off of the Notre Dame. So it was that Yasput the Unibrowed, son of Dirt, took on the title. Yasput appealed constantly to the nobility, who grew quickly annoyed with him and locked him up in a dungeon. He wrote to his 12 year old son, Lucius, bestowing the title upon him. Lucius was a complete idiot, even for a Gastonbrux, and died in 1465 when he exploded for no reason. His son Lucius II took on the title, and did little of note. As the years went on, the Gastonbrux family grew more and more unhinged. Justin Gastonbrux was known to wear a skull on his left hand which he would talk to. Charliepoot Gastonbrux ate twigs and attempted to murder the ground. Gaston Gastonbrux refused to say anything but "drummgit". The Creepy War and the end of the Duke of Spooks In 1719, Lucius IV gathered an army and united with the Earl of Dung and took on the royalty. The resulting war was named the Creepy War, as Lucius IV was particularly spooky and used an army of skeletons to fight for his cause. However his army was no match for the French army and, due to the heroic efforts of the Duke of Orleans, Lucius IV found his numbers greatly reduced and morale at extreme lows. Despite killing the Duke of Orleans, Lucius IV was killed in the Battle of Boney Fields on December 25, 1724, famously uttering his final words of "Bring me a tomato, mister, all time is sneeze." On January 15, 1725, the Treaty of Boney Fields was signed, abolishing the title of Duke of Spooks and banishing the House of Gastonbrux from France. Post-Creepy War After the Creepy War, the Gastonbrux family relocated to Eastern Europe, where they settled deep in the mountains in an attempt to hide from humanity. It was Gumfung I (1732-1811) who founded the infamous town of Spookyville, a defiant attempt to reclaim the old family title. In Spookyville the Gastonbrux family grew, despite remaining extremely poor. The winter of 1811 killed off almost half of the Gastonbrux family and Gumfung II (1769-1844), son of Gumfung I, took over running the increasingly terrible town of Spookyville Discovery of Oil and Rise of the House of Gastonbrux On December 13, 1832, Gumfung II discovered oil near Spookyville. Greatly excited, he founded the Gastonbrux Oil Co. in 1833 and the family began working on refining the oil. At first the company seemed doomed to failure until in 1841 Harold Gastonbrux (1810-1897) took control. Somehow talented despite the immense ineptitude of most of the Gastonbrux family, Harold turned the business around and made Gastonbrux Oil Co. the most recognizable brand of oil in Eastern Europe. By 1867, the Gastonbrux family had become the 8th richest family in Europe. It was not long until the Gastonbrux family learned how to hold the attention of the world. In 1871, Charles Gastonbrux V (1843-1912) urinated on the gravestone of the Duke of Orleans who had fought the Gastonbrux family in the Creepy War. Emily Gastonbrux (1848-1876) caused many a scandal, having her way with almost every wealthy French male. Nigel Gastonbrux (1855-1939) constantly shocked the world with his controversial views on canning and ichthyology. Meanwhile, the insane genius Lucius Gastonbrux VI (1868-1927) collaborated with Nikola Tesla to create devices so horrible that Tesla destroyed the plans and prototypes and had Lucius VI admitted to an insane asylum. But it was the clear headed of the Gastonbrux family that made sure their income increased. Charles Gastonbrux (1834-1925) guided the oil company through a near bankruptcy in the 1870s. Wendall Gastonbrux (1858-1932) made sure the Gastonbrux family had their hand in every industry in Europe. London Gastonbrux (1859-1944) funded the arts and helped found Spooky City in 1923. Everett Gastonbrux (1911-1974) was involved in The Manhattan Project. Present Day In 1999, the Gastonbrux Millennium Organization was founded, though no one knows what it does save for a handful of Gastonbrux. In 2004, documents were leaked that suggested that the Gastonbrux Millennium Organization may be involved in a plot to overthrow the French government and declare Theodore Gastonbrux III (1975-) the Supreme Ruler of France. Despite a criminal investigation, all charges were dropped in 2007 and Theodore has been in hiding ever since. Category:Noble Families Category:Business Families of Europe